A familiar friend

My last post was pretty dreary. It's been a dreary time around our house. I love that even in a time of sorrow and struggle God is still on His throne and is still in complete control. Today we turned a corner. There is still a long road ahead but today we turned a corner. A familiar friend showed up at hour house today who had been absent for some time. This is that friend that doesn't have to ask permission to show up but just comes on over when it's ready. This friend met us in the back yard for almost 2 hours this afternoon. They showed up on Brave-One's face as he taught his little sister how to throw a ball. It jumped up on Resolver as we tossed a baseball back and forth. It met Joy in a bucket playing peek-a-boo. It even even showed up on me as I watched my children enjoy the sun and freedom of the air. Laughter, it's been so long! For a few hours we enjoyed the company of our old friend and asked them to stay awhile. We remembered how good their company felt and we didn't want to let it go. Laughter really is great medicine. I'm thankful that my Father catches every tear that I cry and allows me to feel the deep pain. And I'm even more thankful that He knows when a breath of fresh air is needed and laughter is the only thing that can release all the pain. 

Today we turned a corner. We are believing God for direction as we continue to follow in obedience. Today we felt a bit of peace in our home. Today we move forward. Today we laughed. 

Relying and Resting

Faith means resting -- relying -- not on who we are, or what we can do, or how we feel, or what we know.

Faith is resting in who God is and what he has done.

And He has done EVERYTHING.

Tonight as I was putting Joy down for bed she was screaming at the top of her lungs in resistance. She hasn't slept well in over a week. She has screamed and screamed unless I am physically touching her. It's been a very long week to say the least. Tonight as I was kneeling beside her crib, arm stuck through one of the slots so I could tightly hold her hand while she thought about sleep, I wept. I wept over the fact that my little girl is going through something that she cannot explain to me. I wept for a tremendous trial that are family is walking through. I wept that my husband is physically sick from all the stress asleep in the room next door. I wept for one of my children who is walking through something that is so much bigger than himself yet he will not allow anyone to walk with him. I wept. And as I wept the only words that I could sing to Joy was "God is so good. God is so good. God is so good, he's so good to me." Over and over again I sang this tune. I bet I sang it for almost an hour as I held her little hand and sobbed after each line. I know that God is good. Although I can't really "feel" the goodness of God at this moment I am thankful that doesn't change his goodness. My faith right now is very weak from the heavy burdens that we have been asked to carry. We desperately need some rest. I am opening my mouth and recalling what he has done for me because that is what will get us through. Relying not on who I am and what I can or cannot "feel" but who God is, has been, and will always be.

We serve a Risen Savior who is alive and sitting on the throne interceding on our behalf. He is all-powerful and has dominion over all things. Satan only has power over that which God has allowed. The Lord is Mighty and is bigger than all my burdens. He has never left me in all the dark times I've been through before this. The Bread of Life sustains me each day and is all that I need. He is more than enough for me. His grace is sufficient for me. His strength is made perfect when I am weak. He loves me because he created me in his image. He has called me an heir with Christ. He has written my name in the Lamb's Book of Life. I will spend eternity with him.

In this moment, in my heart, I am resting my head on my Father's shoulders just like my little ones do to me so often. As they run into my arms they rest their head on my shoulder in completely safety and rest. My heart needs to stay in that posture with my Heavenly Father. He is the only one that can provide me with rest. His love is the only thing that will always be.